To a small child, "no" is the ultimate empowerment tool. It gives them a way to voice their opinion and show independence from their adult caregivers. Unlike adults, young children never shy from this word. In fact, the challenge with most little ones is to get them to stop saying no.
At some point in most everyone’s growth and development, the word no becomes charged with negative emotion. For most adults, instead of simply saying no when they mean no, they immediately begin to question themselves. They worry that if they say no, then the other individual might become angry or have hurt feelings.
This leads to feelings of guilt and self judgment. Somehow, saying no seems to become a blanket statement about personality and worth in that moment. If someone says no, they are suddenly uncaring or cold. They aren’t good enough, because they should pitch in without a second thought.
Of course, this judgment is all in the mind. Yes, people may be upset if someone says no to them. However, in the long run, honesty is always the best policy. Underlying feelings of guilt and resentment don’t make for any sort of healthy relationship be that with a spouse, a friend, or even a boss.
Saying No is Like Kryptonite to Fibromyalgia Sufferers
For those suffering from Fibromyalgia, the word "no" is like kryptonite. The majority of people with Fibromyalgia try to be everything for everyone. They are achievement driven and don’t know when to stop to rest.
When in the midst of a Fibromyalgia flare up, debilitating fatigue and pain often make it very difficult to do even daily chores. Most people would take these symptoms as a sign to rest and relax. However, the Fibromyalgia sufferer often associates these symptoms as proof of weakness or lack of worthiness. So, instead of saying no, delegating tasks to other people, and resting, these individuals push even harder.
During semi-healthy periods, Fibromyalgia sufferers try to make up for lost time. They often have a long to do list and feel compelled to complete all those tasks themselves. So, the very moment symptoms start to wane, these individuals get to work. Feeling guilty for their inability to be everything for everyone during their Fibromyalgia flare up, they’ll even take on a few more favours. Then, they are surprised when they have another bad bout of Fibromyalgia symptoms.
The Importance of Saying No for Fibromyalgia Sufferers
In an effort to reduce bouts brought on by doing too much, it is imperative that those with Fibromyalgia learn to say no. They need to take a good look at their to do lists and delete or delegate things that aren’t really important. Most importantly, they have to take back their voice. No two year old saying no to spinach questions the love of his or her parents. These little ones know they are loved, loveable, and valued for who they are not what they accomplish. Perhaps, this is something that all adults should remember.
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